Take a moment

To evaluate your situation. To breathe.
To experience. To Think. To enjoy.
To love. To appreciate.
To have a little fun.

To Live.

Ive been needing a moment to reflect. Things can be so crazy. Its easy to lose myself and feel so resentful. Yet not really know why. My baby is 3 months old yet some days I'm still just not back on track emotionally. I really am starting to think I'm causing my husband strife. Im not meaning to. But I guess becoming a mom changes your world 100% Nothing is the same. Goodbye to everything you did before. Im okay with that. I looooooove my little guy. The trasition is so hard sometimes though. I guess there are just moments when I feel like nothing much has changed for him. He still gets to do everything that he did before. He doesnt have to consider lugging a rugrat around all the time. I do. So I get frustrated. Then again I'm afully too proud. I dont take help easily at all. So Its not like Im good at expressing what I need.

Im working on that. I Promise Cody. Don't lose faith in me please. I feel very unbalanced and somedays I really must just take a moment. To find it all again. To not get caught up in emotions. Because they are like waves and they arent the same from one moment to the next.

I Love my life, My husband, My son. They are all I Truly want or need in this world. I need to find some inner peace. And to not forget the many good things life has given me. I would be devestated without them. They are my life.<3

Meet Steve…

 

Steve After her Hair cut and Bath!

It’s been almost a year since I lost my little dogs Charlie and Baby. Charlie came to me as a matted skinny little yorkie that I gave all my love to. He was like my first baby. I had him for 4 years, and he was about 1 year old when I got him. Baby I got about a year after Charlie, she was this itsy bitsy puffball at the pet store I had just started working at. I Took her home and loved her to bits. We also have a Shetland Sheepdog named Bandit that we got from the pet store as well. He had a very very rough start at life. He was very healthy when we got him but about a month later he got what we believe was parvo. It was a hard fight, and many all nighters spent keeping him alive. He thankfully is still with us. I love him tons!

When Baby and Charlie died I told everyone that I couldn’t ever get another dog. Bandit would be my last. It is soo hard to lose one, let alone two. Well, I didn’t keep that promise. The other day I started thinking about another dog, but I knew a puppy would be way to much to deal with along with a baby. So I decided that we needed to open our hearts to one that was on borrowed time. I made several trips to the pound before I found her.

Steve Before with extreme Mats

There she was in cage 20. These big brown eyes smiling at me. She wasn’t scared, wasn’t restless. She just stared happily at me. Her coat was long and severely matted all the way to her tail. And that was it. I knew she was for me. Such a good little girl. I cringed at the though that because she looked so dirty and like so much work that she might be passed by for the cute chihuahua in the next cage, or the toy poodle across from her. And more than that I just knew she fit us. And boy does she.

Everyone just loves her! Bandit has fallen in love. Too bad she’s getting fixed dude. You can play later:) All she wants is to be loved<3 We have had zero problems with housebreaking which is great. And shes already protective of us when people are messing around out side. Which is a good thing. Because I’m nervous when I’m home alone.

Her name is Steve, yes Steve. If you know our style of pet names it fits perfectly. Strangely it fits so well. But her middle name is Daisy cause she needs a little bit of a girlie touch.

On an ending note: Adopt a shelter dog! There are great ones out there that are going to be put down. All they want is a furever home:) Take your time and find just the right dog for you. Adding a new pet should be well thought out so that they don’t end up back at the pound. Give a dog a home, it’ll be worth all the love they can offer!  

P.s. My little man is 3 months old! How time Flies. I just want to snuggle him to pieces<3

11 is like heaven. NOT!

So my little guy is a fun crazy 11 week old. According to babycenter.com he will be 3 months next week. Im still not sure how the weeks and months work when aging a baby.

Im also not sure where my head is anymore. I'm really feeling worn down and a little stressed about my mommahood this week. Its hard. Truly the hardest thing I have ever done. Its intoxicating, and amazing. Seeing those happy good morning smiles is sooo sweet. Then on the downside he acts like he's being murdered when hes in the car. A trip to the store makes me have anxiety. I spent a little of my fun money on a new car seat. The one that came with our travel system has this weird part where Dexters back goes that is uneven and seems like it would hurt. Tomorrow will be our offical first day with this one. Wish me luck. I hope that the uncomfortable car seat was the problem.

Oh yeah I almost forgot. I wanted to write on here that he had his very first taste of cereal today. Off the spoon he just spit it out. Which is expected hes only 3 months. I also put some in a bottle. Hes been sooo very fussy and my supply is in decline because I have been dumb with what i eat and the trip to AZ. Trying to fix it, and keep Dex satisfied. He enjoyed it and fell into a wonderful sleep shortly after. So ahhh me time.

I have also been baking alot lately. Hello new craft basically. Ive made tons of these little cake pops that are fab u lous! Invented a few sweet treats that I forgot to take pics of, as well as made some molded homeade peanut butter cups. Anyone wanna be my baking buddy.

Also does anyone want to start a play group for our kiddos?

10 Weeks Old.

Hello everyone, how was everyone’s Easter? Ours was great. We woke up and got dressed and then headed to my family’s house for the usual weekend yummy break feast ! After my Mom, my Sister, her Kyle, Charlotte and me went to the park so she could find (pick up) hehe Easter eggs. It was so cute. And windy as hell. After that I called the cops on about 20 mexicans (sorry) because they seem to think they can drive IN the park. Like on the grass. Hello Illegal. I dont think so. Call me the park police. I went back to my Moms and me and my little family headed to Cody’s Mom’s house. Wee took some cute pics and hung out for awhile then it was back to my moms casa for some yuummmmy food

<3 Burgers, hot dogs and all things horrible for a diet! Who cares was what i was thinking. I thought my week was horrible anyway. I ate so bad on our road trip. Tons of Slim Jims, chips, and gatorade. Haha. Damn the gas stations lack of nutrition. Throw in a turkey sandwich and that was my diet for like 4 days. Suprisingly I lost 4lbs in the past 2 weeks. But I’m simply going to credit it to breastfeeding because it certainly wasn’t me eating well. I did walk alot though through the various ghost towns we visited. Hopefully it will slowly continue. Ill be happy when I just don’t have to shop in the Plus size section. Or XXL:) Its just not for me.

In Dexter NEWS! He’s growing sooo fast. Im guessing about 15 or 16lbs since he’s wearing size 2 diapers and 6 month clothes. He needs to slow his roll though. I seriously miss my little skinny newborn. But I do love waking up to an alert smiley little fella. I’m in love! He has been trying to put alot of weight on his little legs so we put him in the jumperoo a few times. Hes BOUNCED! just a lil but he’ll figure it out someday. He’s also a major talker. Just coos, and blabs incoherently tons. He’s eating very well, and hasn’t had any feeding issues in a while. He was taking just a couple of long naps a day, but since i mentioned that he decided to pull a fast one. Now its tons of naps all day long. Unpredictably.

We are also firmly finally decided to delay vaccines until a year at least. I’ve been reading so much on it. And I’ve already rescheduled them once and will be cancelling the appointment for sure now. In the event that he has to go to daycare we will vaccine a little but I dont see that happening so we are gonna be shot free. Thats how all of my mothers children were and her mothers children. And no one had any problems.

Do you have an opinion on Vaccines? If so Id love to hear it. But no hateful comments please. That isn’t what this blog is for.

hmmm 8 Weeks

So, my fella is 2 months old! Time flies when your having fun right. Hes cooing and trying to talk to me its sooo sweet. Hes also starting to try and put his weight on his legs and doin mini pushups! And the smiles are infectious…Im addicted to them. In just a couple days we are heading to Arizona to see family. YAY. I hope to stay on my diet and not gain back anything Ive lost. I have always been fuller figured. But still a good size. I was happy with it. I wore mediums and larges. But in the past 3 years ive gotten pretty heavy. I gained 50lb before i got pregnant, than 50 more total during my pregnancy. Thank goodness 30 of it came off the first few weeks i was home after Dex was born, then 20 more a month or so later. I guess it was mostly water weight and such. Now im working on the stuff that was there for the past few years. Ive made a good start. Im 6 lbs lighter today than the day I was when I found out I was Pregnant. Hopefully by the end of the year I might be able to fit into some of my old clothes. .itsnot really that funny hehe but i have several pairs of pants in every size from 9 to 20. Geez. I guess i dont get an excuse to buy new clothes until I get smaller than that. I havent been a 9 in AGES sooo im not too worried about new clothes. Id be stoked to get into any of my jeans under a size 16!  And I know I will Eventually. Thanks to this kid I get to burn calories nursing, NEVER get to eat a meal with 2 hands. When he naps the last thing I think about doing is eating. And get to carry is 14lb+ butt around all day. Thats a workout in itself.

I do think i really need to do something for myself. Let dex stay with his dad or grandma for a bit and get out. I hate leaving him even to go pee. But i feel like I forgetting me. I have to remember to shower. My nails and toenails are in bad shape, and I live in pajamas and nursing tanks. Who am i again, other than mom. (which i love to be). So thats my goal for the week. Do SOMETHING for me, just me. By myself!

Life with a 7 week old!

Whooo, Dex is almost 7 weeks now. I cannnot believe it. Time flys when they are here doesn’t it. I keep trying to eat up every moment. I want to memorize that little baby smell. And the way he look up at me while he’s nursing.

Speaking of nursing, its finally going good. I mean for real this time. I didn’t know just how wrong we were doing it until I see the Lactation girls up at WIC. Helllo love them! They gave me a whole new approach. It finally comfortable. I’m glad I didn’t give up. I can see why so many woman do though. It is the hardest thing I’ve struggled with second to my weight:) and conquering it has gave me the confidence boost i need. And makes me feel like a super mommy. I was formula fed and proud of it. But its really cool to be able to nourish my little guy. I grew him, I nurish him. 

Then there’s my job status. Until i can find a good sitter, not a group sitter. I’m stuck at home. Which i really don’t mind. I love being with dexter all day long. But  we are hurting for cash. And we could use the money. Sooo until the time comes when i can officially go back to work I’m working online at home. There’s a couple of companies I’m working for. If your interested shoot me a line and ill give you the links. definetly not a full time job. But the hours are as flexible as i want them to be, pay is okay, and hey its a job i can do at home! Whether dex is napping or swinging in his swing.

hmmm oh and we are offically leaving to go to Arizona in two weeks.

Can you say excited!!

5 weeks old and growing

My little guy is growing soo fast. He weighs in at 12lbs now. Thats 4 and a half pounds gained since birth!!! EEk…hopefully it slows down a bit. I wanna keep him small. HEs Smiling up a storm when you talk or sing to him. I cant carry a tune too well but he loves it:) And hes working on holding his head up and can for a minute or two before it tuckers him out.

The nights are getting easier. Now that weve figured out breastfeeding enough to nurse at night in bed. It makes the night fly by. And we arent waking up for tooo long in between. I love it. We had started out giving alot of formula on top of pumping because i was having some latch problems with the little guy. But about 2 weeks ago we spent a whole day trying to get it right and we succeded. so now im just pumping when i want to have a bottle on hand for going out n about. And weve been formula free for several days. Wish us luck on this….its so much cheaper than buying formula. And something I truly wanted to accomplish.

In other news…my Darling niece had her First Birthday a week ago. And it was sooo much fun. I love that little girl sooo very much. And im so happy to of been a part of her special day.

And in 3 weeks we are taking a big roadtrip to Phoenix Az. For a family reunion. I cant wait to go back there its been a long while. Ive missed all my family soooo very very much. Im excited to take Cody and Dexter. Since neither have been obviously. Its such a beautiful area, mountains and lakes and all that fun.

Anyways my little sugar pie is waking up…i better run off to him<3